power in terms of intermolecular forces

after break ups, or even before, someone in the relationship has the upper hand. i like to think of this power trip in terms of intermolecular forces, specifically induced dipole moments. an induced dipole moment involves the movement of electrons to another atom which in turn give that atom more electronegativity or negative charge. the atom from which the electrons came, is more positively charged or less electronegative as a result. the more positive electron is electron deficient, while the more negative electron is electron efficient. the electron efficient atom is happy, is smooth sailin', has the upper hand. while the electron deficient atom wants the electrons back, wants the power back. it will come back when another induced dipole ensues. the charges move randomly around the atoms. what a beautiful way to think of power. power is not tangible, not everlasting. its a phase and its a silly thing to thrive on because it changes with each rotation or stress or transformation. its such a shortlived process and a scary state of being because you are scared to lose it. you are scared to be wtihout control. you are scared to be instable. but being scared is normal. being electron deficient is normal. while it may not be an ideal state, it is a functional one and a humbling one. the greatest things to be learned are those things that happen on a molecular/atomic scale. this level of life is so small, but so telling.

if i were to be any atom i'd be francium - the least electronegative atom. the poor guy craves electrons, but hes still making it. while flourine, up there in the corner, is hoarding all the electronegative charge. what a whore. to have all the power is dangerous. thats probably why F can be so toxic in a halide reaction with alkenes (tangent).

i dont understand

i dont understand. you. me. us. i dont understand what i did, what i said, why im crying. should i understand? i dont understand why i live my life to understand what cannot be known or explained. i think i can feel it. i think i felt it. i think feeling is understanding, but im greedy and seek to know more than just feelings. i think. i dont understand why im so afraid to be alone. i dont understand why im afraid to be with you. i dont understand love, but i feel it. i felt it, but feelings dont sustain my logic. feelings dont guide my decisions and maybe they should. if i understood love maybe i could do it better. if i understood that it is not about understanding, but about loving, maybe i could do it better. if i could forget about today, about time, about life, and just lived it maybe i could be happier. its the analyzing that succeeds. its the analyzing that makes me unhappy. i dont understand how you could be empty when im so full of sadness and hurt. i dont understand how i could even consider my feelings. why cant i just brush them off? they are not real, they are not real, this is not real, love is not real, but it is and they are...real. i dont understand what you feel. if you feel. this life is comprised of so much i cant comprehend and i panic. i panic. i cant hold it together and i dont understand why. am i too young? am i too immature? am i too intense? am i too emotional? what am i? i dont know. i dont even understand myself and maybe thats the problem. the thing that i feel is broken and lost and scared. above all, i feel stupid. i dont understand it and dont wish to because its too much. its beyond me and my control and my understanding and my life. i feel exhausted with grief and tears, but i dont care about making meaning of them because i cant. it is lost. i lost it. and i dont understand where it went and why it went away.